I have many, many thoughts raging through my head. And, the question becomes, which do I want to write about. I’ve started blog posts and decided that I didn’t like the way they were headed and abandoned them before publishing. I’ve simply decided not to write because I don’t feel that I have anything worthwhile to say. I’ve been back and forth on the issue over the last couple of months, and have decided that I am going to write. Whatever comes up, comes up. Whatever doesn’t come up, doesn’t come up. I’m just going to write.
I’ve been in the process of trying to figure out and get a hold on my various roles in life. I’m a daughter, a wife, an employee, a co-worker, an event organizer, a friend…you get the idea. It’s been rather interesting changing gears to accommodate what each role requires. It seems that when I start to get the hang of one role, and am doing well with it, the balance fluctuates from one of the other roles.
Take for example the balance between being an employee and being a co-worker. As an employee, I try to do the best job possible. I do what work is asked of me, and I try to do my best to accommodate those tasks which may fall upon me for whatever reason. When I think I get the hang of it, I find that as a co-worker, my peers become unhappy in that I’ve either overstepped some sort of invisible boundary or that their expectations of me are not being met to the regard that I am doing what I’ve been told to do by management, and it becomes an inconvenience to my co-workers because I’m not doing the things they want me to do, which are no longer either a priority for me to do, or are no longer my responsibility as explained by management.
So what do I do? Do I continue to be the better employee and abide by the rules set forth by my employer, even if it ostracizes me from my co-workers? Or, do I accept that my co-workers have a level of expectation with regard to what I do and just keep doing the things that I do to, for lack of a better term, clean up, what my co-workers may not have taken the time to do themselves?
Up until recently, I thought I had reached a relative medium with regard to what I do. This appears to not be the case, as my employer has been led to believe that there may be some growing tension between me and my co-workers. The concern has led to my employer’s involvement to the extent that an inquiry has been raised as to the matter.
Am I the problem? Or, is the system that is in place the problem?
As I find myself nodding off while writing (It’s been a long day filled with moving furniture and carrying laundry up and down 3 flights of stairs among everything else…) I think it best that I end my thoughts for the moment. I may write more later in the coming days.