Happy Birthday Grandma

Consider this your warning that this one may be a little rough. Today would have been my grandmother’s birthday. She would have been 90 years old. Instead, this is the first birthday since she passed last year.

While I am thankful that her illness was relatively short-lived, I am still having some issues dealing with her not being around.

Growing up, my grandmother was a huge influence. She was more like a second mother in many regards. Living next door to Grandma, I spent practically every day at her house. As a kid, it was great. I mean, lots of kids only get to see their grandparents for special occasions, or sometimes less than that. And, there are plenty of kids whose grandparents may have passed, so they didn’t even get a chance to know them.

Both of my grandfathers passed when I was younger. I knew them. But, it wasn’t the same as Gran. Gran was always near and dear to me. Gran was there for lots of monumental moments in my life, and there are so many other monumental moments I was hoping she’d be around for. I guess the hardest part I am dealing with with regard to Grandma’s passing is also the other aspect of my life I am having a difficult time dealing with: infertility.

My grandmother had the opportunity to meet so many of her grandchildren, great grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren. I wanted so much for her to be able to meet my children one day. Having been married for going on nine years now, I always figured I would have had children a while ago. I figured they would have had plenty of time to spend getting to know one of the greatest women in my life, and that she would have had plenty of time to spend getting to know them.

While I think about Gran from time to time, today has been full of moments. Even though I’ve lived in Pittsburgh now for about ten years, I always called Gran to wish her a happy birthday. There have been plenty of times today I wanted to reach for my phone to call her, and stopped tearfully short.

Not that Gran reads my blog from where she’s at or anything, but I still want to say “Happy Birthday, Lady. I’ve been thinking of you. Love and miss you bunches.”

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