Crossroads

We’ve all been there – the point in our lives when we reach a crossroads (or two, or three).  Everything culminates in just a fashion that what has been a standard, and routine part of life somehow reaches a state of upheaval.  Maybe it’s by your own decision. Maybe it’s by a series of events.  Whatever causes it, it happens.

I find that over the last month or two, I have this nagging voice in the back of my head.  Of course the voice isn’t an actual voice.  I’d be looking at a specific destination if that were the case, I’m sure.  But, there’s something that keeps pulling at the depths of my soul – tugging, but not quite in a specified direction.  Maybe it’s just that I’m too stubborn and driven to pay attention to the fact that there actually is a direction it’s pointing toward.  Maybe I just keep overthinking it and wind up talking myself out of the confusion and keeping on the path I’ve told myself I need to be on, the safe path.

At what point am I supposed to take that path less traveled?  At what point am I supposed to realize that what I’ve been striving for maybe isn’t what I want to strive for anymore?  If that is the case, which road am I supposed to choose?

I could make a list of pros and cons.  I generally find that the pros and cons tend toward the ultimate decision I want to make.  This time around?  I have no clue.  Part of me feels like I should step out and chart my own path.  Then the rational part of me steps in and reminds me how much I like having a roof over my head and that I need my job to ensure I continue to have that roof over my head.  And, I go back to the other side of the coin to try to figure out a logistic plan to create a foolproof way to rectify any potential pitfalls.

And, that’s when I get stuck in my head – going over and over and over all of the possibilities.  When I finally get frustrated that I can’t make a decision, I usually just give up and find my way to the closest vat of refined sugary puffiness to bring me back to reality.

p.s  I apparently REALLY need this vacation.

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