So, technically today was day 1/2. Sorg is headed out of town for the Gathering of the Juggalos. He drove out to the Columbus area earlier this afternoon, and is slated to be back Saturday/Sundayish. Although it’s not a full week (hence the parentheses in the title) it’s still a few days of just me, the cat, and the dog.
And, Bachelorette Day 1 kicks off with a post-work X-Files marathon and Chinese takeout. Add in a stubborn dog who insists on waiting by the fence for Sorg to get home, and it’s pretty much as was expected. Tomorrow will be a little more structured. I have some plans to work on a few things after I get home from the office. Otherwise, it’s going to be an interesting few days without Sorg around.
I may have found my outlet – or a variation thereof, thanks to my friend, Katie. I have some exploring to do, but I think #besomebody may be an answer to my need to do more – to be more. It’s too late to explore at the moment, but I will explore. I will certainly explore. And, I’ll definitely touch base with my thoughts.
Still on that whole kick about my brain working overtime. I have lots of thoughts. But none of them really deal with anything in particular. It’s kinda like a trail of breadcrumbs. Thought A pops into my head, and I follow it down the rabbit hole on whatever trail it leads. Then Thought B crops up. Like Thought A, it also causes my brain to wander along another trail. Play. And, repeat. Even when I go to sleep lately, my mind just keeps wandering. I don’t remember my dreams, just tossing and turning for the past few nights.
Maybe it’s the heat and humidity, and the discomfort associated with it?
It’s PodCamp month! And, I’m definitely feeling it. Between sessions and schedules and swag, I’ve spent the majority of my day on all things PodCamp. And, that’s a good thing.
I enjoy PodCamp planning. I enjoy putting things together behind the scenes. I particularly enjoy seeing how everything comes together when the event finally comes around.
And, on that note, I’m going to wrap up a couple more things on my to-do list before I call it a day.
I swear I have the absolutely worst case of ADD lately. Take now, for instance. I sat down with my laptop to work on some, you know, work things. Instead, I’m sitting here writing up a blog post.
Granted, one of my recent goals has been to write more. So, I guess I’m fulfilling that goal. (Or, at least that’s what I’m telling myself to rationalize that it’s okay for me to do this instead of working on newsletters, etc.)
This brings me to question why I put things off when I know I need to do them. The answer comes down to my fear of change. Newsletters, and event planning are things that need to be done to accomplish the goals I am setting out trying to accomplish – both in an effort to move Sorg’s things forward, but also to help move my things forward. By “my” things, I mean my efforts to see if I can branch out with something on my own, similar to Sorg’s things, that could earn me some local influence as well as some monetary gain.
I have blinders on when I’m at my 9-5. I sit down and I work. I do what I’m supposed to do. I think outside the box when I need to, but I’m otherwise content working on the tasks at hand. When I come home to work on my own things the blinders come off and I find myself looking at so many options that I take on the least life changing – like writing a blog post, instead of doing something like working on a business plan I’ve had 75% completed for the last 3 months.
So, maybe since I’ve just figured this out I should wrap up this blog post and go work on that business plan, huh?
I think Bowling for Soup has it right, high school doesn’t end when you graduate.
People still fall into the same categories, they just have different effects on your life. The high school portion of things had things confined to a smaller microcosm. Once you’re out in the real world, it’s like the Petri dish experiment that was high school outgrew its confinement.
Cliques are still a thing. And, if you’re not in the right one, society continues to frown upon you. Jocks are still jocks. Cheerleaders are now trophy wives. Nerds may be the only group that really excelled with something. Instead of getting swirlies and wedgies, the jocks now look to them to help run their businesses and 401Ks. It’s even mainstream to be geeky at this rate – look at the Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg. Even presidential campaigns are similar to those for Senior Class President or President of the Student Council. It all boils down to who has the most money and who can get their word out there on the largest platform, flaunting the signs with the most visual appeal and catchy slogans.
I don’t have many close friends. I have a ton of acquaintances – very, very few “friends.” And, I’m okay with that.
For reference: Friends are those folks that I trust my house key with, or who I call if I find myself in need of something, and I know that the question asked in response to that need is simply, “When do you need me?”
There are more folks I would do those sorts of things for than who I would lean on to do them for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to single out which friends I prefer over others. It’s just that if I call you a “friend” know that that title is not something I go around calling many people. It is something you have earned, and with it comes my love, support, and quirkiness.
If you’re one of the lucky people who I’ve given my direct number to, count yourself among the uber-super-blessed. I don’t text often, but if I do text you, you’ve moved to the front of the class as far as my inner friendship circle is concerned. I can probably count the lot of you on the fingers of one hand. (Okay, maybe both hands. But, you get the idea.)
Just know that I’m not usually the type of person who needs to have constant contact. Even if you haven’t heard from me in a little bit, it doesn’t mean that I’m mad at you, or I don’t want to see you and hang out with you. It simply means that I realize we’re all busy adults living our own lives, and things come up. Life happens, and I often feel like I’m intruding on others’ lives if I reach out. (Add to that the fact I’m generally socially awkward, and you’ve got the perfect combination of a shy, social introvert, trying not to be that girl when dealing with varying interactive settings on a day-to-day basis.)
Why, yes. Yes, I am listening to White Wedding.
And, yes. Yes, it is a nice day to start again, Billy Idol.
With that said, I am working on my list of fresh starts for tomorrow. Nothing major. Baby steps.
First on the list: Getting back to the gym. I’ve now been away for about 6 months. Not cool, yo! In addition to weight gain, I have a variety of other things attributable to the lack of gymness. It definitely has to change.
Second on the list: Food consumption. As in, I really need to eat better things. Soda has found its way back into my Top 10 items consumed. And, that’s just not good. Empty calories. Constant dehydration. Heartburn. Not cool, yo!
Is it possible for your mind to be so full of thoughts that your head actually “feels” full? If so, I swear that’s how my head’s felt for the last month or two. I have so many things I need to do, and so many more things I want to do. And, for a few of them – I simply don’t know where to start.
I’ve been dancing around this topic for a little bit, which you can probably see if you go back through my recent posts.
Something has to change. And, this time, I’m afraid it’s not as simple as cutting my hair or coloring it. It’s kind of like there’s a massive button sitting in the corner. A button I’m not supposed to push. A button that I really want to push. A button that I’m creeping ever closer to. A button that I’m looking around to make sure no one is watching so I can push it.
I don’t know what the button does. But, I want to see what the button does.
And, I’m so close to pushing the button.
I’m trying to turn a new page on things in my life. At the moment, I picture myself struggling in that endeavor, stooped over a book on the floor, with both hands pulling at the corner of that page – trying with all my might to turn it. No matter how hard I try, the page doesn’t budge. I strain every muscle, from the tips of my fingers, into my hands, through my arms, into my shoulders, down my back, pulling and pulling. My feet are firmly planted, my legs locked in an effort to garner some sort of leverage. Still nothing.
I work myself into exhaustion. Do I give up? Do I keep pushing through? The little voice in the back of my head tells me to keep pulling. By putting everything I have into the effort, I will eventually get the page to move. The first time I give up, is when it would have taken one more pull, from the depths of my soul, to get it to move. Isn’t that the way it always goes?
So, I keep pulling. And, pulling. And, pulling.